Just thoughts.

Hello All,

Today I have an appointment with a Psychiatrist this afternoon. I’m kind of nervous about it. Don’t know why.

Lately I have been feeling like the worlds biggest moron/idiot. Why?? Well I’m truly in love with someone who doesn’t give a shit about me anymore. It hurts like nothing I have ever felt before. I don’t understand anything about her or what’s going on. All I do is keep faith, pray & have hope.

See I think god had her in my life for a reason. I have known since I was 16 years old that she was going to be in my life and she was my soul mate. Now it’s hard/weird to finally admit this. Out loud it sounds weird I know. But it’s true. I remember so clearly when she used to come into Ben & Jerry’s & Villa Corona. The talks we had, the butterfly’s I would always get when she would come in. It was nice. Obviously she was way to young at the time but when Nick & Nicole dragged me out of my apt to a Halloween party. My eyes looked into her beautiful eyes. It was the best day of my life (besides Lily’s birth). I meet someone who helped me find my faith in a lot of things again. God, Love, Life & Myself. Someone so amazing & beautiful walked into my life & helped me to see. Just as soon as she walked in; she’s now gone.

I don’t understand how she can say she doesn’t want love in her life. How 2 years amount’s to nothing.

Well it amounts to a whole hell of a lot. Wile she can pack up pictures (that mean a whole hell of a lot to me BTW) & let them collect dust. I won’t.

“I will stand here waiting, with my eyes fixed on the road. I will fight back tears & wonder, if you’re ever coming home. Don’t you know girl that I love, so please come home. Please come home.”

I’m changing for me. I’m tired of being a pathetic person.

Ready, set, go.

John.