Just thoughts.

Hello All,

Today I have an appointment with a Psychiatrist this afternoon. I’m kind of nervous about it. Don’t know why.

Lately I have been feeling like the worlds biggest moron/idiot. Why?? Well I’m truly in love with someone who doesn’t give a shit about me anymore. It hurts like nothing I have ever felt before. I don’t understand anything about her or what’s going on. All I do is keep faith, pray & have hope.

See I think god had her in my life for a reason. I have known since I was 16 years old that she was going to be in my life and she was my soul mate. Now it’s hard/weird to finally admit this. Out loud it sounds weird I know. But it’s true. I remember so clearly when she used to come into Ben & Jerry’s & Villa Corona. The talks we had, the butterfly’s I would always get when she would come in. It was nice. Obviously she was way to young at the time but when Nick & Nicole dragged me out of my apt to a Halloween party. My eyes looked into her beautiful eyes. It was the best day of my life (besides Lily’s birth). I meet someone who helped me find my faith in a lot of things again. God, Love, Life & Myself. Someone so amazing & beautiful walked into my life & helped me to see. Just as soon as she walked in; she’s now gone.

I don’t understand how she can say she doesn’t want love in her life. How 2 years amount’s to nothing.

Well it amounts to a whole hell of a lot. Wile she can pack up pictures (that mean a whole hell of a lot to me BTW) & let them collect dust. I won’t.

“I will stand here waiting, with my eyes fixed on the road. I will fight back tears & wonder, if you’re ever coming home. Don’t you know girl that I love, so please come home. Please come home.”

I’m changing for me. I’m tired of being a pathetic person.

Ready, set, go.

John.

"Hot / Cold (Darling, Don't)"

You said your hope was lost. My eyes were stinging hot.

The first of the tears to fall hurts the worst of all.
I had it all planned out, what I was going to say.
But then that lump in my throat stole my words away.

Darling, if nothing else, I know that this is true;
I'd have nobody if I don't have you.
But you said your hope was lost, my eyes were stinging hot,
the first of the tears to fall...

Have you given too much away?
Are you giving us up?
Did the going get tough this time?
Don't give up on us.

I said, "look at the map on the wall, put your fingers on where we are,
no matter where I go we're just an inch apart."
You interrupted and said, "not that old speech again! -
If we're just an inch apart, then reach out and grab my hand." -

Have you given too much away?
Are you giving us up?
Did the going get tough this time?
Don't give up on us, don't give up...

I know that this is true, at least it used to be,
you'd have nobody if you don't have me...
And didn't we say forever?
Didn't I promise you?
Didn't we say forever?
Darling don't... darling, don't.
We didn't come this far just to throw it all away.

Have you given too much, Darling?
Are you giving us up?
Did the going get tough this time?
Don't give up on us.