the sins of the past!

Well, I wonder which song they're gonna play when we go. I hope it's something quiet and minor and peaceful and slow.

Begin Transmission.

Hello; What I’m writing today…is hard and painful to write about. But I'm ready to write it. Cause I'm a writer.

Writing cause it’s going to be a tuff birthday this year. Some of you know that a friend of mine died this time last year. Well on May 25th, my brother, Erin (13) and I found Tyler and Russ. The accident had already happened and Russell was in bad shape (he was injury free). Tyler passed away.

It’s very odd to me to think back to a year ago, so much was different. I remember the drive home from Gerlach, the morning after the accident. I haven’t really shared too many details about this part of what happened to anyone just…because I wanted them to be my moments. I will never forget, 8:45 am & I’m running off 1hr sleep (I wouldn’t call it real sleep), coffee & cigarettes. I’m half having panic attacks and the other half just wants’ to be with the people I loved at the time. I driving and there’s nothing in sight but Nevada desert & rain clouds coming in the distance. At this one moment I had no cell reception, no way of communicating with the outside world at all. This moment I needed to pull over, I was starting to get really emotional. I was thinking about what just happened; Tyler died 4 hours ago. I just wanted to hold Lily & kiss her and the feelings were the same for some other person. I just wanted to be with them; at this moment I was so scared. I needed them to tell me I wasn’t gone, I didn’t lose them & they didn’t lose me. I was listening to Paramore at the time & Hallelujah just came on. This song will never leave this memory. I got out of my car on the side of the road and broke down. I started punching the side of my car….I don’t know why really. I was so scared, angry and still in shock. Than all for some reason I notice the line “this time I’m not giving up, I’m going to make this last forever”. These lyrics came out of know where and cut threw me like a hot knife.

The next 6 hours we’re spent driving, pulling over (due to not being in the perfect driving condition), just hearing the sounds, smelling the smell & replaying the events from just a few hours before.

I’m not going to begin to say I understand what happened, why this kind of person was taken so young but my brother’s friend said it best “sometimes crazy young guys die”. And that’s what happened.

I’m accepting of this a lot more today. I only hope that Tyler knows that I’m sorry for not acting, for not getting out of that bunk and maybe doing something that may have…help, eased, or simply supported him. I’m sorry Tyler; I owed the kindness and friendship you showed me in the short amount of time we spent together a lot more than that. I know you understand & I know you know the penance I bear from it. You know the chains I’m going to be feeling the most of my life.

I was never your best friend. I didn’t know you too long.

I really wish I could have been.

So on Monday May 25th, I will be raising a glass to you my friend. I hope you will be there to share it with me.



Keep you’re feet on the ground friends.

-John J Morales.

End Transmission.

The Gaslight Anthem – The 59 Sound. Just listen and you will know why this song is here.

ER...not again??

Begin transmission.

Monday was spent in the ER. This time I had a really bad asthma attack and turns out I have acute bronchitis. The doctor said it was turning into Pneumonia. SCARY x 10!!! I haven’t had something like this happen for a VERY long time. Last time when I was 8ish?? Driving myself there sucked and was scary too!!

But I'm doing a lil better. I can breathe easer and talk again. I'm on a bunch of steroids. lol.

News on the college front. $12,000 dollars of my tuition is covered!! WOWZERS!! That’s a lot!! Now to come up with the rest…not to worried….I have a lot of scholarships to apply for.

It’s gonna happen; I’m the next Rudy.

Back to the grind.

If I die....some of you are in my will. Enjoy the thing you get fuckers. :)

The Inferno.

End Transmission.

Phoenix - Girlfriend

Cause now I know it's all that I wanted.

Begin transmission.

To all,

Studying for GED; test is in a month. I got to make it count and score high! Excited, my pal’s Phil, Luca, Ashley, Jaimee and my brother said they are all proud of me!! Thanks guys and gals it means a lot. I’m proud of me; no male figure taught me how to be. I learned on my own. I’m new and improved.

Next are the art classes. Staring them too. EXCITED!!! Got a drafting table for my bday.

New tattoo soon, I’ll put a photo. Going to go see my brother, going to drink to a fallen friend.

-Inferno

End Transmission.

Green Day- Macy's Day Parade

The good, the bad and ur ugly.

Begin transmission.

A quick one for you.

The Good: I’m getting accepted to Expression Center for New Media. Animation & Visual Affects here I come.

The Bad: I got stabbed in the shin…..yes with a knife. 1.5 inch deep wound. Sucks and is very painful. I’m doing ok. It was a freak accident and my fault. If I see you and care enough to tell you the details...then I will. If not. Well I was attacked by a Pit Viper.

Later people; Be Safe,

Inferno.

End transmission.

Dizzy yet?

Begin Transmission

Hello.

I haven’t written much lately. Why?

Nothing to write about.

Now? Something to write about.

1. Getting diploma in 2 weeks (maybe a lil longer but not my much).
2. I’m applying to Ex’pression for New Media. I should be starting in the fall.
3. I love life.

Last blog for a wile.

Love you all. Be safe.

-The Inferno.

End Transmission.

Hey you, turn this up loud, dance and smile. Please cause this is the very last time.




You close your eyes and kiss your hand, then you blow it
But it isn't meant for me… and I notice
If the choice was ours alone
Then why did we both choose letting go?
Does it end like this?

Time never had a chance to heal your heart
Just a number always counting down to a new start
If you always knew the truth
Then the world would spin around you
Are you dizzy yet?

(Chorus)
Respectfully, some honesty I'm a new calling out
Do you hear this conversation we talk about?
Back away to the safety of a quiet house
If there's a half a chance in this moment, when your eyes meet mine, we show it off

(Verse 2)
All talk not a lot to think we were living dreams
Shame never crept close to our naked feet
If there's something left to lose
Then don't let me wear out my shoes
I'm still walking

I tried, but it rang and rang, I called all night
On a pay phone, remember those from another life?
If everything I meant to you,
You can lick and seal then fold in two then I've been so blind

(Chorus)
Respectfully, some honesty I'm asking now
Do you hear the conversation we talk about?
Back away to safety of a quiet house
If there's half a chance in this moment
When your eyes meet mine, we show it off

(Bridge)
(Oh, Oh) take it all back take the first, your last, your only
(Oh, Oh) take it all back take it all back everything you showed me
(Oh, Oh) this must be how it feels when the feeling goes (Ooh)

I told you as I hovered I'd never felt this way
You said: "I had the shot that stops my clock, baby it's ok"
You said you'd never have regrets
Jesus! Is there someone yet who got that wish?
Did you get yours? Babe?

(Chorus)
Respectfully, some honesty I'm asking now
Do you hear the conversation we talk around?
Back away to the safety of a quiet house
If there's half a chance in this moment...
When your eyes meet mine we show it off.

speaks for itself.

Death to cowards, traitors, and empty words
To those adorned with the touch of rose petals
And the blessed gift of forgetfulness
For these are your years and days to outshine
Push on and soar higher
This is your memory
Your everything and the inbetween
Push on and soar higher